Do you find yourself getting irritable or frustrated by small things? Has your partner ever told you that your anger is creating problems in your relationship? Maybe you keep recycling through the same arguments, feeling like nothing is changing. Maybe you feel like you’re being attacked by your partner even though they are only trying to help?
Anger can have a detrimental effect on your work life, creating legal problems, and compromising your relationships with friends and loved ones. Anger comes out in various ways, such as irritation or tension that you can’t pinpoint on any specific reason.
Getting triggered by the small things that people say and do is not uncommon; however, you may end up turning that anger towards your partner, friends, coworkers, or kids; the people in your life you’re closest to, yet don’t really deserve it. Minor irritations suddenly, and without warning, turn into full-blown explosions. Maybe you punch walls, throw things, yell, or curse, hoping you’ll find relief from that interior pressure. Then shame and regret may creep in from losing your cool, triggering those same heated emotions to come back again, thus continuing the cycle.
Do you have a strong desire to keep your anger in check, stopping it from having a negative impact on your relationships? Do wish there was a better way to manage your anger?
Anger is a normal emotion, no different than happiness or sadness. However, in popular culture, men are portrayed as being strong and stoic, leading most guys to avoid the appearance of weakness at any cost. When angry, many men tend to express themselves by either losing their temper or seething in silence. In these situations, they’re using anger first to express themselves instead of listening to and using their deeper emotions. If you’re having a tough time and feel like your anger gets out of your control sometimes, it’s okay. You’re human.
Your irritability or frustration may be more about underlying issues. Because you may not be aware of these issues, rationality gets thrown out the door when things get heated. We instead become more reactive in the heat of the moment, feeling out of control, then regretting our actions afterwards. Not until later, while in a calmer frame of mind, do we realize what triggered us to blow up, but sadly, by then, it’s too late, the damage is done.
You might experience shame for expressing your anger in the wrong way. When shame takes over, we unfortunately repress our feelings even more, ensuring they don’t cause you to get angry again. Anger is commonly masked with fear as many guys reveal their fear of losing control of their emotions and turning into a hothead.
An anger management counselor helps you to identify the issues causing your anger. You’ll learn strategies to reduce the anger which will help you stop damaging your close relationships, and in time, start to heal those relationships.
There is hope for guys who struggle with anger issues. Anger is an emotion which can be both managed and expressed in a healthy way. You’re not broken. I promise! The term “anger management” has a negative stigma which suggests that somehow, we are inherently the problem. Are we responsible for our emotions? Yes. Are we monsters? No! I’d rather use terms like “Emotion Regulation Strategies” or (ERS), moving toward better and healthier emotional expression.
Anger management is only one level of heling. What we really want is to do is work down to the next level, to the cause of your anger. Deep breathing exercises, positive affirmations, or thought stopping to curb our anger are very helpful. However, as awesome as those techniques are, they don’t address the root of our anger, nor will they prevent you from becoming triggered in the future.
Our counseling and coaching sessions together will help you to identify the true causes of your anger and, also help you free yourself from them. We’ll have meaningful discussions and consider things like, childhood experiences, relationships with others, and your relationship with yourself. We’ll create a panoramic view of who you are and where those sources of anger come from.
The more we work together to help you identify the primary emotions connected to your anger or resentment, you’ll begin to raise your self-awareness and emotional intelligence, giving you the skills to express your anger appropriately and constructively.
Anger is often just a perception of your needs being unmet. Sometimes we don’t even realize what those needs are, which can cause angry feelings to surface. Working together, we will help you to identify your own needs and work to eliminate your destructive habit of taking your frustrations out on others. We’ll come up with new strategies and skills, empowering you to express needs, thoughts, and feelings in healthier ways.
We’ll also come up with a plan of action which prioritizes conflict resolution over conflict avoidance. This one skill alone is worth its weight in gold as it empowers you to show up to disagreements and conflicts with assertiveness. These important and vital skills will help you to express your thoughts and needs without making the situation worse. Conflict is sometimes unavoidable, so let’s work together to learn how to do it right!
As a counselor for guys, I bring multiple years of experience working with men who struggle with irritability and anger. In my career, I have witnessed good men make impulsive decisions in the heat of the moment. Unfortunately, some these same men paid an awful price they will regret the rest of their lives. I want to help you make decisions that you won’t regret one day. I want us to work together, empowering you to get a better grip on your anger, and preventing it from becoming a bigger problem for you.
I’m a guy. I get it. I can relate to what you’re going through, more than you’ll ever know. I’d like to use my personal and professional experiences to help you explore your anger so you can get to the root of it, and eventually eliminate it. Facing this head on with my help will help you create a more successful and fulfilling life, including work, marriage, and relationships.
“I’m beginning to see how my anger is a problem, can counseling really help me?”
Maybe you’re starting to see patterns of how your anger is negatively affecting other parts of your life, especially your relationships. Counseling can help you develop the self-awareness skills to identify your blind spots, changing them for the better. It enables you to see what’s beneath your anger to understand what’s really going on. My job as a professional counselor is to see the stuff about you that you can’t. I’ll offer you supportive feedback while also respectfully calling you out on your BS. Working together in this capacity will help shift your perspective, helping you work through core issues more quickly and skillfully than you could on your own.
“I can usually manage my anger issues by myself. Why would I get anger counseling now?”
“My partner thinks I need therapy, but I don’t agree”
If your loved ones see a problem that you don’t, it may be a blind spot you’ll want to possibly consider. It’s not always easy to appreciate how something might be creating a problem, hindering us from living our best lives. If you are a partner or loved one of someone with anger issues who is reading this, you may benefit from receiving counseling on their behalf, and for yourself.
If you’re ready to work on improving your skills to effectively deal with your anger, contact us to see how we can help. Your anger doesn’t have to keep turning your life upside down. If you have more questions, call me at 336-423-7697 or contact me here to schedule a free consultation.
(Note: We don’t offer anger management classes or programs, or court-ordered counseling. Please inquire with your court agency or institution for referrals for this type of counseling.)